I expected to have a book a week at least read since the start of this year but all I've managed to do is lose my reading bug and not be able to pick up a book in about three months. A part of it is I've let myself become a slave to my phone and social media on an evening which is something that I'm constantly trying to battle with at the moment. Another part of it is the long road of unemployment that is very much starting to weigh down on me.
All I seem to spend my time doing is researching jobs and then spending hours bookmarking them all before spending more hours slowly slogging my way through them as they all ask for the same information and then some personal statements or the new 'tell us how you meet the requirements' sections that are constantly popping up on the jobs that actually mean something to my future dreams and ambitions. It gets harder every time I hear nothing back or get the obligatory 'Sorry you were unsuccessful but we can't provide feedback this time' emails. Yet I carry on the slog, going to the job centre every other week to tell a different person each time how I've spent my two weeks job applying and have yet to hear anything back only for them to nod, smile and tell me to carry on trying then I sign so I can get my allowance and off the cycle starts again.
I can't lie and say procrastination isn't always niggling at the back of my mind too, I spent the majority of autumn last year binge watching over 300 hours of Critical Role's Campaign 1 and am currently up to date with Campaign 2 so there's a definite motivation in there somewhere but finding it for reading again is getting harder. I partly blame it on my own guilt fuelled paranoia that if I'm watching TV or messing on my phone/laptop then at least I'm digitally still connected to getting closer to the idea of getting a job compared to if I take the moment to escape to another fantasy world I'm disconnected from the real one and moving further away from getting a job. I definitely find myself lost at the moment, my main solaces being my crazy cats, my amazing friends and my obsessive ability to binge watch TV shows during the day, whilst also having a very much growing passion for Dungeons and Dragons that I'm yet to further explore.
At the end of the day I know my love of reading isn't quelled, the fire's just burning pretty low at the moment and once that job comes along I'll have a normal routine once more, so if you happen to find my motivation don't forget to return to sender.
May your motivation be found,
Kif.
This is amazing ❤️
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